I never wanted kids. I always thought that I didn’t have the patience to be a good mother. I spent my twenties enjoying life, going to college, and trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.
But I met a guy and got pregnant at 29. I ended up having a miscarriage at 6 weeks, but that tragedy sparked my desire to be a mommy. My maternal instinct kicked in on overdrive. It was as if it was laying deep inside me, quietly humming along, waiting for the day when I would acknowledge it so that it could roar to life.
I ended up marrying that guy I got pregnant by lol. And then I got pregnant again. Another miscarriage. Finally, I got pregnant for the third time in one year. This time in February of 2013.
I was scared. I didn’t allow myself to get excited or to expect too much. But when I went for my 12 week check-up and he was still there, doing fine, my heart fluttered a little. Then at 16 weeks…then at 18 when we found out that we were having a boy. And then at about 20 weeks I finally calmed down and allowed myself to enjoy my pregnancy. Since I could feel him moving now, which he did ALL of the time, that became my reassurance that everything was fine.
I was huge for my entire pregnancy. I actually began showing at 4 months and I mean really showing. Everyone thought that I was having twins (which I talked about in an earlier post).
But my one little snug-a-bug was born November 15, 2013 at 7 lbs and 20 inches of adorableness.
And I love him so much. I often say that if I knew that being a mom would be this rewarding I would have done it a long time ago. He truly is the light of my life and I love him so very much.
Being a mom has truly been the greatest accomplishment of my life. Creating, carrying, and giving birth to another human being has a way of making you feel powerful beyond measure.
The fact that I thought that I would never get pregnant or have children weighs on my mind sometimes. My hormones are imbalanced, so getting pregnant is easy for me, but staying pregnant is the hard part. I still can’t believe that I have him after the miscarriages, the sadness and the pain.
I think about all of the other women in the world trying to get pregnant, having multiple miscarriages, going through fertility treatments, etc. and my heart goes out to them. I understand. Nothing hurts worse than having to struggle to do something you were born to do. To those women I say stay strong, don’t give up, but allow it to happen in it’s own time. It will. It did for me.
Until next time gorgeous.