In My Feelings, Really

  
 
I love this shirt. I think it aptly describes me. 

I have a Kanye attitude. I don’t care too much what people think of me. What people think of what I write. What people say about me. I know I’m an exceptional writer. I’ve been this way all my life. Even before I could hold a pen, I was telling the teacher what to write for my books in Kindergarten. I even won and was featured at the county fair for my story about two mice. 

I’ve been senior staff reporter at my campus paper. I’ve been editor of my campus literary magazine. I’ve been in poetry slams. I’ve had my works published. I’ve written a book. I know I’m skilled at my craft. I know this. 

Yet, I’m sensitive about my….
My feelings are hurt when I lose blog followers. I wish that more people wanted to read my blog and buy my book. I sometimes wonder if I’m good enough to make a living doing this. If I can quit my job and make money doing what I love…writing. 

I’m happy when I hear about people that actually read what I post on a daily basis.  It makes me feel good to know that someone out there likes PGR. That someone out there likes my book Blue Coals. That someone out there is waiting for me to hurry up and finish the sequel. 

So, I guess I really do care about what other people think. But, I also don’t. 

If I care too much, then I might stop writing. I might censor myself and not be real. I used to always worry about being judged by my writing. That stifled me. It kept me from reaching my full potential. 

I was too much Drake and not enough Kanye. 

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten better. I’ve stopped asking myself how my writing will make others feel because frankly, if you don’t like it, you don’t have to read it. 

Yeezy taught me. 

So, I’m going to be Kanye and continuing writing and saying what should be said. What others are afraid to say. And, like Drake, I’m going to still be in my feelings and emotional about it every step of the way. 

That’s me. 

Just trying to balance my inner Kanye and Drake. 

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2 thoughts on “In My Feelings, Really

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