Happily Ever After

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Marriage takes work.  Anyone that tells you that it’s easy is lying.  It is not easy.

It’s rewarding.

It’s enjoyable.

It’s worth it.

But, it’s not easy.

Marriage takes work.  It involves the merging of two imperfect, fallible human beings, for life.  Being in the same space with someone else requires a large measure of patience, compromise, and unity.

Anyone that is considering marriage should definitely understand that what you see on the outside, as in, what couples portray to the world, either through social media, or out in person, is not an accurate depiction of their marriage.

Why not?

It’s simple.  On social media, we choose to show people what we want them to see.  What we deem to be worthy.  That fight you two just had about him not taking out the trash?  Yeah, not post-worthy.  The fact that you two haven’t been on speaking terms for the last few hours?  That he slept on the couch last night?  Yeah, again, not post-worthy.  These are the things that you keep to yourself (as you should).

But, just know that you shouldn’t be scrolling through anyone’s Instagram page and “wishing” for their life.  You shouldn’t #relationshipgoals on a post of anyone, famous or otherwise, because, in all honesty, you don’t know what their relationship is like.  She could be hiding a black eye under all of that concealer in that photo of them at the Lakers game.  I’m just saying.

Instead, you should come to terms with the fact that marriage is going to take effort.  That there are ebbs and flows to any marriage.  There are moments of pure bliss.  There are moments of contentment.  And there are moments of pure agony and days were you’ll be planning your escape.

Then, everything will even out again.

That’s the way it works.  Marriage isn’t happily ever after.  It’s more like a…happy…content…dissatisfied cycle that’s always on repeat.  Once you realize that, then you truly begin to understand the complications of marriage and you begin to appreciate its complexity and your mate a lot more.

So, what do you do when you’re in that dissatisfied period?

  1. Try and spend a little time apart.  My husband and I purposely have times when I go and visit my family or when he goes and visits his family without each other.  This gives us time to breathe, reflect, and miss each other.  We always come back from these breaks happier and more in love than ever.
  2. Manage your expectations.  Don’t be so quick to compare your man with your ex, or look for reasons to leave.  Understand that you’d be facing similar problems with any guy because that’s just how life is.  Understand that just because you’re having problems now doesn’t mean that you’re going to have problems forever.  This too shall pass.
  3. Take a breather.  As females, we usually like to hash things out in the heat of the moment, while men prefer to walk away from an argument until they’ve cooled off.  We should all take a cue from men and walk away, cool down, and then come back and talk about it when we are no longer angry.  This will keep us from saying things that we really don’t mean.
  4. Work harder.  That’s right.  It sounds odd, but, everyone knows that the only person you can change is yourself.  So, when you’re feeling a little dissatisfied with your relationship, push yourself to take it to the next level.  Buy him something special, make a nice dinner, go the extra mile in bed.  He will appreciate the effort you’re putting in, and it may even motivate him to go the extra mile!

 

 

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